I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
