he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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