nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
