what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
