i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.