He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.