and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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