my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
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Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
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I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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