we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
