Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
