Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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