I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
