btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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