Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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