I wish my penis had an off switch
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
