PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
