They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
