I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
