it hurts more in the daytime
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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