Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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