I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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