Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
