Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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