Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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