I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The struggles of a small town man whore
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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