just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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