would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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