They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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