I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
