Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
