So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
