I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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