he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
