I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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