She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
