So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
