It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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