I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
