I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Let's paint friendship bongs
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He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
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My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Couch. On fire.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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