bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
