One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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