She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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