he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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