We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he was CRYING into my vagina
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
