from now on my penis is your penis
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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