toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
