Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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