atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
