May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
