I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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