I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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