I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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