You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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