textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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