i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Randomize
