I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
