I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
