Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
