hotel room ftw
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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