Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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