I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
