spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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