The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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