i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
