Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My day in three words: secret purse cake
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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