Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Randomize
