Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I did not marry a roomba.
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