my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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