I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
