I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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