Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
