In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
