my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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