i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
should my penis look like a turkey
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
