Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
