So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
