the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
