I met the friendliest cop last night
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
