Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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