Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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