i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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